6 Ways to Dramatically increase your Social-influence and ensure your integrity
P.S – If you apply 2 of the principles you will be Great company
If you apply 4 – you will be Fantastic Company
And if you apply 6- You will be Extraordinary, and always be highly influential
#1 – Becoming Genuinely interested in other people.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people more than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you”
“I Know you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them”
This Alone could make you the most appreciated person in the room and most fun to interact with.. when you are genuinely focused on caring for this person, appreciating their point of view, listening to their sorrows, their happiness, their sadness..
Greeting friends with enthusiasm, energy , animation.. trying to look, feel, and smell good, meeting them with appreciation.
Think about it.. when you call someone, a friend or family member, or even if it’s a company, Vodafone or Telstra.
If on the other side of that phone call you are met with someone full of energy, a smile on their face, a nice loud clear tone.. automatically you feel inclined to listen and most times out of 10 you’ll feel great just by speaking to them..
Right? Has this happened to you before?
Or you can be of the type that just wants other people interested in you, and work your butt off to make sure that happens..
If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.
‘Become Genuinely interested in other people”
Never Underestimate the power of a smile.
“The Greatest form of charity”
- The Holy Prophet(pbuh)
A nice radiant smile does wonders to the world within us.
Right now, as you’re listening to this, or reading this, put a big smile on your face, think about that last holiday you went on and the happiness it brought you, as you’re breathing in and focusing on it with a smile.
automatically the dopamine levels in your body in your mind, your neuropathways begin opening to the world of positivity and happiness.
“The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on ones back.”
Actions speak louder than words, right? And a smile says “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you, speak to you, hear from you”
Think about a baby’s smile, and the effect it has...
Have you ever been in a doctor’s waiting room... looked around at all the dull faces waiting impatiently to be seen?
Dr Stephen K Sproul, a veterinarian in ray town, Missouri, told of a typical spring day when his waiting room was full of clients, everyone waiting impatiently as the doctor’s room is slowly being emptied. Then a woman entered with her 9-month-old baby, and funnily enough she sat next to that person who was most eager and maybe least happiest person in the waiting room... after a couple of minutes the baby was just staring at this guy, and it started smiling at him...
Now what do you expect him to do? Well of course, he melted and smiled back, after a couple of minutes of this smile wars, he began conversating with the mother, and within a couple of seconds the whole room began interacting and started conversating, and the tense, impatient atmosphere was eradicated..
Because of the smile of a toddler...
So, when you enter a room or a conversation.
Make sure you equip yourself with a smile, to enter that social gathering, by giving the greatest and sweetest form of charity, the emotional charity that every one of us craves, connection, love, happiness.
And if you don’t feel like smiling? Then what?
First , force yourself to smile!, and if you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing.. act as of you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy, here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it.
“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling which is not.”
“thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our own cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there..”
#3 And if you don’t do this you are in trouble.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Don’t underestimate the power of remembering someone’s name, or mentioning and recognizing their name, pronounce it correctly
Great leaders are cherished for their ability to remember and call upon their followers/team/family/acquaintances by their first names
A Man by the name Andrew Carnegie who was named ‘The Steel King’ who he himself has stated that he didn’t know about steel as much as those around him, hundreds of people working for him knew much more about steel than he did, but he was considered ‘The Steel King’, why?
Because he knew how to handle people, that’s what made him successful, he showed a genius for leadership, by the time he was ten , he had too discovered the astounding importance people place on their own name. and he used that discovery to win cooperation.
When he was a boy back in Scotland, he got hold of a rabbit, a mother rabbit. Presto! He soon had a whole nest of little rabbits and nothing to feed them. But he had a brilliant idea. He told the boys and girls in the neighborhood that if they would go out and pull enough clover and dandelions to feed the rabbits, he would name the bunnies in their honor. Guess what!
The plan worked like magic, and he never forgot that lesson..
Years later, he made millions by using the same psychology in business. For example, he wanted to sell steel rails to the Pennsylvania railroad. J. Edgar Thomson was the president of the Pennsylvania railroad then.
So Andrew Carnegie built a huge steel mill in Pittsburgh and called it the “Edgar Thomson Steel Works”
Here is a riddle..
See if you can guess it..
When the Pennsylvania railroad needed steel nails where do you suppose J Edgar Thomson bought them?///
From some random steel rail company? Nonono
Most times we don’t remember names for the simple reason that we don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix the names into our minds, we make excuses like we’re too busy…
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing with..
And nobody else..
The name sets this individual apart, it’s a big part of their identity, so make sure to respect and cherish that.
#4- Be an Outstanding Listener, encourage others to talk about themselves
Here is an easy way to become a great conversationalist
Become an interested and intrigued listener
Every one of us, young or old, male or female, no matter what occupation we work in or what degree we’re studying, every human is interested in what interests them..
i.e. to become a great conversationalist, the secret isn’t using the right words or knowing what to say or how much to speak..
the secret is simply asking and encouraging the other person to speak, the secret is to ask your child, or friend, or spouse a question that they themselves will enjoy answering, and you will enjoy listening to,
asking a barber about what made him so passionate about grooming?
Asking a painter what amuses him/her about design and art?
Asking a doctor, a florist, a construction worker, a writer, a student.. asking them and encouraging them to speak about what they are happy and passionate about
You can literally ask them about something they have intense care for, and they will talk for 10 15 20 minutes, and without you saying a word, just by intensively listening and genuinely appreciating what you’re being taught, for them will be of upmost value
That genuine interest is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone
Once I was on an airplane, next to me was an older man and his wife, they had asked me to switch seats in the beginning of the flight, and of course as we know, if an elder asks or you expect they need/want something, you should Happily serve them..
So with a big smile I turned and said of course!
Whether they were expecting it or not, the fact that my instant reply was met with smile, it automatically made them feel comfortable and in turn I was comfortable too..
By the time we were properly seated and bags packed in their departments, we had struck conversation, and I just simply asked them how long they have been married, and how did they keep the passion for long? As they did look intensely happy..
After that question, I sat with absolute concentration listening to this elderly couple speak about their beautiful relationship and where they have traveled and the experiences they have had with one another..
It was magical..
I rarely spoke and didn’t interrupt once, I maintained my big smile and was learning so much from their passionate relationship, feeling the energy of their love coming to life with their words, it was phenomenal..
I tried to keep it going for as long as I could, to make sure I squeeze out all the passion and admiration they have for one another, and it had our whole row, people behind us and in front of us intrigued, full of life listening to this couple speak.
Till today this was one of the greatest flights I’ve been on, a 14 hour flight, if we weren’t sleeping or eating, we were talking and I was listening..
By the end of the flight, this couple and the fellow rows around us had felt like this big family..
We farewelled each other, and the couple approached me, they gave me a gift they had bought from the duty free as I was asleep, a bottle of perfume.. and said to me
“Young man, you are one of the nicest people we have ever met, a great conversationalist, and you will do amazing things”
What did I do?
I didn’t speak much, I didn’t do much, all I did was meet them with a smile, and stay intrigued by their passion and tried to learn from their experience, whilst expressing deep interest and appreciation to what they had taught me..
Till today this story motivates me and reminds me..
All I have to do sometimes, is just listen
And maybe I might get a nice perfume in return 😉
If you want people to speak and laugh about you behind your back, the recipe is simple; never listen to anyone for long.
Constantly talk about yourself, if someone is talking and you have an idea don’t wait till their done, interrupt them in the middle of a sentence.
Although if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.
To be interesting, be interested,
Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering, encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
A person’s toothache means more to that person than the famine in China which kills a million people..
A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa.
Think of that the next time you start a conversation.
Be a Good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
#5 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interest
Want to know how interest people?
“The Royal way to a person’s Heart, is to talk about the things he or she treasures most”
There was a professor by the name William Lyon Phelps, a professor of literature, and he learnt this lesson quite early in life,
He says “When I was eight years old and was spending a weekend visiting my aunt Libby Lansley at her home in Stratford, a middle-aged man called one evening, and after a polite skirmish with my aunt, he devoted his attention to me. At that time, I happened to be excited about boats, and the visitor discussed the subject in a way that seemed to me particularly interesting. After he left, I spoke of him with enthusiasm. What a Man!
My aunt informed me that he was a New York Lawyer, that he cared nothing whatsoever about boats – that he took not the slightest interest in the subject. ‘But why then did he talk all the time about boats”?
“Because he is a gentleman he saw you were interested in boats, and he talked about the things he knew would interest and please you.
He made himself agreeable”
Another story of a man who was active in his community with the younger boys, in scout work.. one day he needed a favor, there was a big scouting event in Europe, and he wanted the president of one of the largest corporations in America to pay the expenses of one of his boys for the trip..
But just before he went to see this man, he had heard that he had drawn a check for a million dollars, and that after it was canceled, he had it framed.
So the first thing he did when he entered his office was ask to see that check.. “A CHECK FOR A MILLION DOLLARS!”, he exclaimed that he had never seen such a check written, and he wanted he to tell his boys that he actually seen a check for a million dollars… he showed him the check gladly; and started to conversate about the check back and forth, as this president felt so significant by sharing what he had accomplished and how he came to draw it..
DO YOU NOTICE ..? that he didn’t begin by talking about the boy scouts or Europe or what he wanted,, he talked about what interested the president.. want to know the result?
“oh, by the way what was it you wanted to see me about?”
Mr. Chalif, then tells him what he had been there for..
And he not only granted him immediately what he had asked for... but much more. He had asked him to send only one boy to Europe, but he sent five boys and himself, and he gave Mr. Chalif a letter of credit to spend in Europe for 7 weeks, he also gave Jim letters of introduction to his branch presidents, putting them at his service, and then he himself met with them in Paris and showed the around..
If he had begun with what he wanted, and hadn’t aroused the interest of the president, how effective do you think that meeting would have been?
Talking in terms of other persons interest pays off for both parties, you will always learn something new from something that interests someone else more than it interests you.
#6 – Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
How to make people like you instantly?
There is one all-important law of human conduct, if we obey this law, we will never get into trouble..
In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends, and constant happiness. But the moment we break the law, we enter into a paradigm of endless trouble.. the law is this: Always make the other person feel important.
The deepest need in human nature is the desire and craving to feel and be appreciated, it is this urge that differentiates us from animals.. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.
Philosophers and leaders have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of all that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new..
Ut us as old as history, Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia 25 hundred years ago.. Confucius preached it in China twenty-four centuries ago. Lao-tse, the founder of Taoism taught it to his disciples in the valley of the Han. Buddha to his followers 500 years before Jesus, The books of Hinduism taught it thousands of years before that.. Jesus himself taught it 19 centuries ago, the holy prophet (pbuh) mentioned this on many occasions..
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
You want the approval of those you come in contact with? You want your true worth to be recognized? You want a feeling that your important in your world? Then you don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave Sincere Appreciation.. you want your friends to be cheerful, real, and sincere when they praise you and appreciate you. All of us want that.
So let’s obey the Golden rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.
The answer is: All the time, Everywhere
If for example, the waitress brings you mashed potato instead of fries, let’s say: “I’m sorry to trouble you, but I prefer fries” with a big smile on your face..
She will take it and say “of course no problem” and happily change it for you, because you have shown her respect
Little phrases such as: “I’m sorry to trouble you”…”would you be so kind as to..?” “wont you please..?, “would you mind..?” “Thank you!”
Little courtesies like these brighten up the world you live in, the world we live in, they are the key to a flourishing society.
Look, I know what your thinking.. the truth is that most people you meet feel that they are superior to you in some way, especially if they are older.. and that’s fine..
A Really powerful way to enter their heart is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance and recognize it SINCERELY.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way, in that, I learn of him.”